My Biological Clock Debated

So it’s difficult being a 28-year-old single woman. When you are not married at this age, people tend to believe it is hopeless for you to possibly find someone. In fact, the general trend for many of my friends and family is to tell me to give up, because “Amy, you don’t need a man to start a family.” Now, bear with me, I love and care about each person who suggests this to me, but really? That is exactly like saying, “Amy, you aren’t worth waiting for the right man, skip step one and two immediately, and make a huge life decision based on emotion.” I understand that being a single parent is very common, but would it really be fair to that baby not to give it at least a shot at having two parents? Also single parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s rewarding yes, but given the choice I would much rather follow suit with Disney’s idea of romance. Step one: Fall in love. Step two: Get Married. Step three: have children.

I straight up had a family member tell me the other day that “it’s okay, lots of women are finding sperm on the internet.” She learned this from a talk show. I was mortified! What more can you do besides laugh hysterically, and pretend that you didn’t feel that knife shoved into your heart. I’m still in my twenties, and accordingly I think that I have a couple more years at least to figure it out. But online sperm is definitely not a solution to the problem of wanting to settle down.

Also what is wrong with being single, and figuring out who you are before rushing into a relationship. Adventure and solitude is not always a bad thing before saying, “okay I am ready to commit my life to another person.” I believe that rushing into settling down has caused many marriages to end in divorce before the marriage has even lasted five years. I bet there are many people out there, reading this thinking- Amen sister!

So dear family and friends, I love you, but please continue to have faith in my social skills. I am a beautiful, smart, sometimes witty woman with more to offer than store bought sperm and a turkey baster for a future family.


Knitting Circles Should Rule the World

I’ve taken up a new hobby, knitting, and at my local yarn shop there is a meeting once a week called Knitter’s Anonymous. Each week I walk out of this three hour knit and gab fest feeling really good about life. These women, who are often the same women I see each week, and sometimes new ones, are always thought provoking and welcoming, and lovely. When I walk out of that little circle I feel a sense of weight lifting off of my shoulders. Why? Because in five minutes, you can hear ten different solutions to a life problem you may have, with out judgement, just the sound of knitting needles clanking together. It is beautiful really the power of a group of people, who just accept each other, who make each other laugh, and listen to each other’s rantings and ravings. Attendance isn’t mandatory, there is no cost to join, and there is always an open chair for anyone who chooses to be involved. Now that is community! One that I am proud to be a part of!

At one point in this week’s meeting we began to discuss local politics, and I now strongly believe we should forget city counsel, forget town mayors, and instead have a  knitting circle; each person could share their opinion while concentrating on the rhythmic motion of looping yarn. It’s a meditation, a calming tool and a way to open up a person to the different perspectives each individual has. There is something about this rhythm that makes my brain work harder and ideas flow to me as if they were just the next stitch on the needle. Oftentimes, I am blown away by a statement or perspective that one of these women have, that I honestly may never have thought about before. Being part of a little community like this creates a sense of closeness and interconnectedness that I have not experienced before. So I say the next counsel meeting, should have knitting needles and inspiring women that come up with the most profound ideas on how to make the world a better place.

Don’t forget the laughter! The most witty things I have ever heard or said, happen in this circle. This is not for grannies anymore, we talk about everything you could possibly imagine and laugh hysterically while doing so. So if you are interested Electrictree Yarns has a pretty amazing community of knitters who you will inevitably laugh, cry and celebrate with you. Thank you my friend for introducing me to the world of knitting I will never be the same!

The Itch

Hahahaha I know that is a disgusting title, but once you get to know me better, you’ll understand that I think most disgusting things are meant to be jokes. And this statement has nothing to do whatsoever with anything, except I point out my own jokes. Does that mean I am actually not funny? Wait don’t answer that, I want to live in the delusion that yes, I am hilarious.

I have an itch, and I know it hasn’t even been a full day since my last blog, but I am obsessed and can no longer control my urge to let the world know what I think. Once I start, its actually difficult to shut me up, I used to be a quiet girl. (Shocking, I know). So I was lying in bed this morning, thinking about all of the topics I could write about next. The first thing that popped into my mind was apologizing for calling a man nasty names in my last blog. Because inevitably, whenever I say anything that could hurt another person; my conscience speaks to me, saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” (Which by the way is my mother’s voice in my head, thanks mom!) But I say, nah, he’s a big boy he can take it, and also I was mean and nice in my blog, that makes up for it right? Atleast, this is what I am telling myself, and he accepted my request to follow his blog. I think this means I should ignore the mom voice in my head, and write about change. Yes that is the itch I am refering to.

My life to say the least in the last two years has changed so immensely I don’t even know where to start. In fact, every three months give or take, I have made a big change. Here, is where I am imagining you, the reader, saying “do tell, what kinds of changes?” But I think this may just be that my narcissism is showing. Okay, so in the last two years: I left my commonlaw husband, I changed careers twice, I chose to both start and stop dating twice, moved two times, and lost my lovely cat of 8 years; and now I am considering moving once more. And as if this was not enough, the itch has hit me again. Am I doing myself justice? I don’t know. My local pub was just sold to new owners, and this change hit me pretty hard. They cancelled karaoke, and that pissed me off. I can’t sing if my life depended on it, but performing for karaoke is fun, and I do it every week. I even have some fans. In part, because I have a silly stage presence, and partly becuase I choose really inappropriate yet hilarious songs. You should see my version of The Divinyls “I Touch Myself” its really something. Anyways, when there is a place that you go to regularly, or when there is a job you attend, or see a man you love everyday; its crazy hard to just walk away. It might be good for you, expand your horizons, gain a new skill, new hobby, or fall in love again. But it is f***ing hard in the mean time.

Sometimes too, and this is just a theory here, if you need to change; your life punches you in the face. For instance, six years ago, I was so unhappy with my job and where my life was heading, I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my hand. Lately, I have been wanting to move out on my own again. (I have roomates). My cat passed away, then twice in one week, my usually very relaiable Chevy broke down, and work has been crazy hard. But what does that mean? Does it mean hurry the f**** up and move already or does that mean stay? Tough it out, shake it off, and woman up, so to speak. All I know is that my literally tiny room feels like it is swallowing me up, the abyss has sucked me under and I can’t fight my way out.  Dear reader, you should know that I am not a recluse, but I do like to have my own space. I lived on my own for years, and living with roomates, even roomates that I am friends with and care about, is very difficult to do. The truth is I am defensive about my living space, and I can be a territorial bitch when I feel backed into a corner. And I feel I would rather keep my friends than stay.

I have lost my point, see change confuses people. And for two years I have been confused, I just want the dust to settle before I move on again. Is this considered running away? Sometimes I think this may be the answer… I have always wanted to see Scotland… Friends, don’t panic I don’t have enough money saved for this, but may be I should start. This is a terrible conclusion, forgive me, ask me in a few months, there might be an ending then. So this post has taken me almost a week to complete…damn stress, damn confusion, damn the abyss!

Pessimist who inspires optimism

I’m a fresh blogger, so please forgive me if I am boring, or ridiculous, or I use inappropriate run-on sentences like a little kid excited to write for the first time. That was a run-on sentence for those of you out there reading this, and who are not as nerdy as I am about the English language. So I guess I should start with why I chose to write this blog.

An online dating site led me to consider writing for strangers. This is funny right? I saw this really angry gentleman on said online dating site, while I was considering joining (for a second time); and I noticed that he had added his blog at the end. It was really like strange advertising because his profile read like he was an arrogant self-absorbed prick, with nothing but time on his hands to write condescending things about women he saw as desperate for putting up profiles. (I’m struggling with whether or not I should insert the hypocrisy of his statements here, of which, he admits to; however I have faith in my readers that you have picked up on this fact). So off I went to blogging land where, I could not stop reading. It was an instant addiction to random thoughts put out by this man, who I am sure is not as atrocious and he led me to believe. He was pessimistic, irritating, but inspiring. Yes, you heard correctly, inspiring. He wrote an expose on sex and dating and as painful as it was to admit I agreed with one of his statements. And this is not the exact wording here, but he said that women wait for a knight to come and save them from their lives. And while they wait for Mr. Perfect, they miss out on life, adventure, and sex. I was not so sure I agreed with the sex part of his argument because he complained that women who hold out on sex in the beginning of relationships are looking to control the men that they are with, and are totally unwilling to engage in more exciting sexual activities. (This is the polite way to rephrase this by the way). I believe women are tired of being treated like sex objects and are just looking for a man to honor and respect their bodies. At least that is what I hold out for. Alas, I digress, I commented on this man’s blog. I hit him with the same pessimistic bullshit he was throwing, but from a woman’s point of view. Now I am wondering whether or not he kept my comment or tossed it aside, because I could have been viewed as a cranky hater. When indeed it is quite the opposite. I want to live adventurously, and if this knight on his mighty steed won’t show up, why should I waste my time? So here, I should also let you know that I thanked him, for talking me out of online dating; and instead, inspired me to get out there and find adventure. And if it so happens that commitment falls in my path, and settling down makes sense, I will take it. Otherwise, leave a message I am too busy discovering what is out there in the world.

So for those of you I have lost in my crazy rambling stream of consciousness, my apologies. But I am now getting to the point of why I am writing a blog in the first place. One of the adventures I truly want in life is to write, and what better way to start than to blog about myself. A little narcissism never hurt anyone right? And if I was glued to the ramblings of a pessimist and I still got the optimistic message, than may be people will see something in my thoughts that will inspire them too. So look out world Amy is now a blogger!